Why and How are Father's Important?

Because of our current society’s changing beliefs and standards that were once traditional and valued, the importance of families, and the specific structure of the family, has dwindled. Specifically, the world’s current view of the father has betrayed the once valued meaning they had, as well as betraying Heavenly Father’s plan and makeup that He specifically formed for our happiness and well-being. As I could explain the importance of fathers through a doctrinal and spiritual viewpoint, I think it is also important to lean on secular and statistical views of why father’s matter, and why they influence their wife’s and children’ lives for good. After looking up and researching several articles, I was able to pinpoint five reasons or points that display why fathers are needed and essential for the flourishing of an individual and a family.

Because our society once valued the traditional family that consisted of a married father and mother along with their children, researchers have been able to notice the differences, specifically the negative differences that are present when a father is not present in a child’s life. Researchers, using a pool from both the U.S. and New Zealand, found compelling evidence that father absence has an effect on early sexual activity and teenage pregnancy. Teenage girls who grew up in a home without a father, are twice as likely to get pregnant at a high-school age because of the increase in sexual activity that occurs also because a father is not in the home (Ellis, 2003). As researchers have many arguments for why this occurs, the reasoning of increased sexual activity can stem from a male not being in the home, to protect and teach their daughters values that teach them why their bodies and esteem is important. Coming from an emotional viewpoint, because a male figure is absent in a girl’s life, that tends to make them feel a loss of masculinity in their life, which makes them attract towards other males who may or may not be nice, just so they can feel some sort of affection from a man that is normally needed and wanted. It is known that girls who have present and involved fathers in their life, are less likely to participate in sexual activity, because they already have a man that they know loves them and protects them.

Another point that illustrates why fathers are important, is the decrease in poverty rates that can be possible if the father is in the home. Robert Rector, a respected and leading authority researcher on families, poverty, and welfare programs in America, explains that “Child poverty is an ongoing national concern, but few are aware of its principal cause: the absence of married fathers in the home” (Rector, 2003). According to the U.S. Census, the poverty rate for single parents with children in the United States in 2009 was 37.1 percent. The rate for married couples with children was 6.8 percent. Being raised in a married family reduced a child’s probability of living in poverty by about 82 percent. These numbers plainly and straightforwardly show how poverty, and therefore the negative effect of a child’s and mother’s health, is increasing because of the absence of a father and the income/support he can provide is absent. Robert Rector points out how single mothers tend to be less educated and get paid less than men do, so homes that do not have a father present, do worse than they do if a father is present and providing. Poverty can also affect the child’s happiness, as well as preventing them from gaining basic needs and attention. Poverty is such a real and negative issue in our world, and one of the main reasons that these researchers live by, is how much more common it is for single mothers to run a household without the father being in the children’s lives at all.

A third reason of why fathers can positively influence their families lives, can be reflected off of Doctor Ditta M. Oliker’s research of the importance of fathers, and how they can affect the emotional well-being of individuals. “Even from birth, children who have an involved father are more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore their surroundings, and, as they grow older, have better social connections” (Oliker, 2011). The role of a father also allows children to learn how to regulate their emotions and behavior, which also has a positive impact on both parents, when they have obedient children. Because father’s can be a source of support, sense, healthy discipline, and an orderly and organized teacher, the balance that he shares with the mother who is more nurturing and emotional, creates the best environment for children. Another key factor that I can personally testify to, is how a present father can allow their children to develop a positive opinions and experiences with men, which will only be a benefit in the long run.

Another benefit of father’s that researchers hold relevant, is how when a father is loving, kind, gentle, and aware of their kid’s needs, girls will look for men who do hold the same patterns as their dads do. Because they have experienced a male figure in their life who had a positive affect, they will look for in others, those same attributes that they hold to a significantly. Because girls have a father as a good example of how they should be treated, they will not allow themselves to consciously fall into an unhealthy relationship with another man that will cause contention and unhappiness in their life. As well as girls, researchers note that boys can model themselves after their fathers. Boys are more prone to “copy” their father’s behaviors that they are familiar with and grew up with. Therefore, that boy can grow up into a loving and successful man with a strong family, because of the positive influence he gained from his father.

A final discovery that I found to be meaningful in terms of fathers, is how if a father is in the home, their children will perform much better in their academics and education; they will even grow a love and appreciation for it. Based on the articles that I studied, researchers explain how it is impossible to over-estimate the importance of a dad. For example, “girls who have good relationships with their fathers tend to do better in math, and boys who have actively involved fathers tend to have better grades and perform better on achievement tests. And well-bonded boys develop securely with a stable and sustained sense of self” (Gross, 2014). Because good father’s do have jobs and have to work to provide a living; they teach their children by example and word, how to work and gain appreciation for education and success. Connecting to the paragraph above, children do model themselves after their father, and hold the same attributes that the father shows. Fathers can provide stability in a child’s life, and that can allow them to focus on their schooling, and not other distractions that would be present if a father was not involved.

I was born into a family that consisted of a hard-working father, and caring mother who were happily married. Until the age of 16, I had to what most consider a normal home life, where my father would go to work and my mother would stay home with my siblings and I. My family was strong in the gospel, and those standards reflected positively into my environment and I can look back and say that I had joyful childhood. My father was one of the most important people in my life, because of the values, principles and lessons he lovingly taught me. He was known as the “fun parent”, as every family has one, and I would lean on him for advice and emotional support when I had a rough day at school (which was most days). My father was also an amazing artist, and if I had a project that needed some creativity, my dad was my go-to person if I wanted to receive an A; he would do it all for me and it looked like I was a professional! My favorite memories of my dad were in my freshman and sophomore years of high school; he would drive me to school every single morning after seminary, which worked out perfectly because he was also my seminary teacher! I would ask him every morning if we could get hot chocolate or a McDonalds breakfast sandwich, and even on his busiest days, he would fulfill my requests. Now looking back as an adult, I can see how much my father sacrificed for me and how much he wanted to make me happy, because he would buy me breakfast and hot chocolate when my parents had no money at all. I can just imagine his stress of trying to find change in his car door, so that he would be able to pay for me. Because of my dad’s positive influence in my early teen life, I did feel loved, appreciated, and fulfilled in every aspect of my life.

I always tell people that I have lived the best of both worlds. I was able to experience a present and healthy relationship with a father, and unfortunately, a life that was void of a fatherly presence and influence. Before my junior year of high school started, my mother told my siblings and I that we were moving away from our home in Kentucky and moving to Phoenix, Arizona. Because of long-running issues and certain addictions that my father was struggling with for most of my parent’s marriage, and after much time, prayers, and counseling, my parents got a divorce. From 16 years old and still today, I experienced living with a single and working mother. My dad has not been in my life for four years, because of his addictions, disorders, and jail-time that prevents a healthy relationship.

I am grateful to have experienced both sides of the totem pole, when it comes to fathers. I have personally lived and know what it is like to have a father, and how it is living without one. I am grateful that I had 16 years of stability, and these last four years of trials. I can better relate to people, and I have grown through these challenges. I know that having a father is crucial and relevant for a healthy development of an individual, because of the benefits that they bring. Although I do not have an earthly father in my life currently, I have a Heavenly Father who makes up for the loss that I feel. He protects me, loves me, and sees my potential.

As I am in a stage of life right now where I get to think, ponder, and prepare for my future husband and the family we will build, I can take my personal experiences along with principles I have learned in my Family Relations class, to make sure that a strong father will be present in my children’s lives. Some steps that I will take include marrying a worthy priesthood holder that understands his role that Heavenly Father expects of him. Father’s need to protect, provide, and is responsible for upholding his priesthood duties. As it says in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, “fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.” I feel as if my future husband knows of these specific, God-given duties, then he will be blessed to have the talents and attributes that it takes to raise children.

Another step that I will take to ensure that a father will be involved in my children’s lives, is to make sure I am doing my part and fulfill my role as a mother. If I am not fulfilling my duties as a wife or mother, how can I expect my husband to? We can be an example for each other, have a healthy communication, and have weekly date nights that will give our relationship the time and quality that it needs. If my husband and I have a strong marriage, that will only bless my children.

A step that I also feel is meaningful to ensure my children have an involved father, is to support their relationship, and provide opportunities for my husband to teach and spend time with his kids. By watching my parents, and my friends parents while growing up, the mother would usually be home with her children all day. Mothers usually have a specific schedule and timetable for her children, such as when they sleep, eat, play, do homework, etc. I have watched many fathers who were kind-of separated from the lives that their kids are living, because of their jobs that keep them away from home most of the day. When they would come home, it is prevalent that mother’s don’t want the father to “mess up” or disrupt the schedule that they have their kids on, especially the younger children. I feel as if the mother controls the household and her children, because it is good to have order. However, this schedule and control can disrupt time that father’s can spend with his kids. I want to encourage my husband to come home and go play ball with his son, or read his daughter a book. It is okay if homework is not finished, or if they are already bathed and in pajamas. Time with their father, is what is most important. Children will remember the fun play time they had with their dad, which builds their relationship and will affect their adult life. I am definitely going to encourage and provide time for my children to be with their father, and develop a healthy relationship.