Parenting

As my classmates and I have had the chance over the last couple months to learn about topics such as family dynamics, gender, society trends, marriage, and communication skills, this last week we had the opportunity to discuss the importance of parenting. As some people are in or close to this stage of life, I know that I am far from being a parent (however I hope that it is sooner than later), but realize that the skills and principles of parenting are still valuable and will help me in the near future.

Michael Hopkins, a respectable researcher in parenting, says that "the purpose of parenting is to protect and prepare children to survive and to thrive in the world that they are going to live in." This statement aligns with my church's beliefs, in that a parent is accountable for their children to a certain point, and a child's way of living is mainly characterized by how well they were loved and guided. Brother Williams, my dear professor, explained the importance of teaching children genuine responsibility and respect, because this will only help them succeed when they are adults. One principle that I really enjoyed learning about from Brother Williams, is the kindness and respect that we need to show children. In Brother Williams words, "Sometimes pulling out the big guns isn't the best." Teaching children the natural consequences of their actions sometimes is the best approach, not so much the yelling and sending them to their room consequences. Let me display an example of this: In class, Brother Williams shared a personal story of how his teenage son shot an arrow into the eye of his three-year-old brother at the time. The older son was messing around with a bow and arrow and was being a tad reckless- as most teenage boys are- and accidently shot the arrow towards his younger brother, which was shot directly in his right eye. This accident caused him to be permanently blind in his right eye, because of his brother's mistake. I cannot imagine the guilt and pain that the older brother went through, of finding out that his little brother will always be blind because of his accident. Brother Williams explained how he and his wife definitely could have grounded him for months, taken away any toys or potential weapons, made him pay for hospital bills, or even gotten angry and yelled. However, Brother Williams realized that the natural consequences that his son had to deal with was enough to make him learn of his mistake. A given punishment would have taken away from the natural consequence, which is the most important. The consequence of his little brother being partially blind for the rest of his life, was a burden that he would carry for forever.

All children make mistakes, however not all of them will always make life-changing and drastic mistakes that will affect the rest of their life. What can parents do for day-to-day consequences when their children hit their sibling, or do not obey their mother? Brother Williams describes how involving the child in their consequences will create more of an effect, and help them remember the punishment so they will not keep repeating the same mistake. It is the child's mistake, and their responsibility to fix their mistake and learn from it, so involving the children in their consequence could help them add to their responsibility. Instead of letting them just choose their consequence, because most children would choose an easy one, parents can talk out the punishment with their children and give them options that they can choose from, however all of the options would be equal. As Michael Hopkins says, "Choice in consequence is critical".

Another parenting tip we discussed was how they need to make a consequence for their children that they can live with. If their children are misbehaving, a parent shouldn't say "If you don't clean your room, we are not going on summer vacation". In this case, most parents would just be making a threat to their kids, that will not change anything because will parents really follow through on not going on a vacation that they have been planning? If parents threaten their kids with punishments that they will not follow through with, they should not expect their children to learn from their mistakes and change their behavior.

Having a balance of being firm and friendly, creates a successful parenting style and mentally and emotionally healthy children. Sometimes, children are more worried about the fact that their parents are angry and upset, rather than worrying about how they can learn and fix their mistake that is the real thing they should be focusing on. However, each context and each situation is different and personal.

This Family Relations class is so beneficial to me right now, and in my future, because skills that I will need as a parent can be practiced even right now in my college life. Parents need characteristics such as patience, kindness, love, and endurance! This class has given me opportunities to realize that each stage of life is needed to prepare for the next one, and I need to enjoy every stage while it lasts.